A Chat With Julie, About a Controversial Theory

Randy: Are you there?

(an hour passes)

Julie: Yes.

(a few minutes pass)

Julie: Are YOU there?

(an hour passes)

Randy: YES! ARE YOUUUUUUUUUU THERE???

(a few minutes pass)

Julie: Yes

Randy: Good, I was just wondering

(5 minutes pass)

Julie: I see.

(here I’ll skip a half hour of back-and-forth chatting that would bore you)

Randy: I just bought a nice voice recorder for $20... so now I can record all of my gold nugget ideas

Julie: And all the shit nugget ones too

Randy: Speaking of shit nuggets, have I ever told you about my diamond turd theory?

Julie: no, but I'm sure it's another one of your shit nugget ideas.

(I pause to build anticipation)

Julie: Lets' hear it.

Randy: Actually it's a gold nugget idea… about shit nuggets

Randy: Someone keeps eating their turds over and over and over, and the turds keeps getting more and more concentrated until one day a little diamond turd pops out.

Randy: It's not a pleasant theory.

Julie: Yeah, I think I heard that one before.

Randy: And you still think it's a shit nugget idea?

Julie: Oh definitely

Randy: You're right, you passed the test

Randy: That's an example of the type of thing I will not be saying into that recorder.

Randy: OK, who am I kidding?

Julie: Exactly

Julie: That's the kind of thing I see written on scraps of paper, in nearly illegible handwriting, all over the house

Randy: Haha! You've never been righter.

Randy: By the way, I'm going to make this conversation into a blog

Julie: Nah.

Randy: Anything you want to say to all the blog readers out there?

Julie: Not really.

Julie: So what you're saying is that your blog is a shit nugget forum for you to unleash more crap on the world?

Julie: Does that make your readers a bunch of shitheads?

Julie: Do you have any readers?

Randy: These are all diamond turd questions. Tell us a gold nugget idea of your own.

(5 minutes of silence)

Randy: Silence huh? Good one. Wise. You know, they’re looking for the next Dalai Lama.